Dear So and So

Dear caffeine, It looks like my love affair with you is ending tapering off. People have told me for a while now that you're no good for me, but I wouldn't listen. What did they know? They just didn't appreciate you. They didn't know you like I know you. It was us against the world – together we could take on anything! You were by my side, all day, every day. I'd even spend my vacations with you. But now, even my own doctor says that you are going to hurt me in the end. That you've been working against me for some time now; causing me fatigue, irritability, insomnia, and even *gasp* slowing down my metabolism. This is where I have to draw the line. NOTHING comes in between me and my metabolism... got it? (Hey look, this doesn't mean we can still be friends, though. I'd still like to see you once in a while, OK?)

Until we meet again,

Me

Dear desktop computer, What IS it with you lately? Why are you so temperamental? What have I done to make you rebel? Is Firefox to blame, loaded down with all those add-ons, of which most I don't even use, sucking on average 500-600,000k of your memory during each session? What? Or is it the fact that you are still running Windows XP, but all of your friends now have Windows 7? Hey, at least I didn't curse you with Windows Vista. Be grateful.

Sincerely,

The one who can easily replace you with a notebook

Dear Dad and Stepmom, I am so very thankful that you two immediately thought of me when you saw that eharmony.com commercial last week advertising those five free days. And you couldn't wait to call me up to share the great news and encourage me to sign up. We all know how splendid internet dating has worked for me in the past, right? Still, as much as I love you both, at this point in my life, the thought of getting married again, having a boyfriend (or even dating) makes me want to jump off a cliff. But thanks for thinking of me!

Love,

Your middle-aged, divorcée daughter little girl

Dear Facebook “friend” who posts nothing but details of your upcoming wedding as your status updates (even though not all of us have actually been invited to it). Yes, we know the blessed day is almost here! 23 days and counting. We also know that you've already had your shower, that you've had your final fitting, your groom has had his final fitting, that you've purchased your bridesmaid's gifts, blah blah blah. Bless your heart.

Your “friend,”

Who wasn't invited.

Dear Aunt Flo, You and I go way back - 29 years now. As a child, I couldn't wait to finally meet my Aunt Flo that I'd heard so much about. I was so excited! And then I learned that you were not really all that much fun. In fact, you're really sort of a drag. You never wanted to do the things I wanted to do. You always had your own plans. I have tried not to complain too much about the times you've inconvenienced me, forcing me to accommodate your schedule, imposing your terms on me. I won't talk about the times that you've made me cry. Or the times you've hurt me to the point where I wished I'd never see you again. But now, you are just plain taking advantage of me. Dropping in on me, here and there, at the worst times, when I least expect it. It's like you're oblivious to anything, or anyone else, but your own needs. I have a life, you know! Enough already.

Signed,

Can't wait 'til you are gone for good.

For more Dear So and So, please check out Kat's blog here, and play along!